Try explaining it to them as how you specifically feel it. I don’t have much since the community does have a huge divide on what it exactly means. But in regards to the relationship, try explaining that you’re friends, but also like really close that you could also be in a romantic relationship and it’d be similar. Granted, that is how I’ve explained it and then branches from there on questions.
My only source is that I was trying to explain a qpr and alterous to my mother when her and I talked about my aromanticism and how it affects my relationship and the above was effective for me.
-Admin Opal
Hi! Sorry for taking so long, but let me break it down. fatugender; if their gender was useless and unimportant why would they want to identify as a gender in the first place?
I have seen some people use fatugender more in fluid identities, but it also may be because someone does feel that way, but just names it to be done with it. and there are a multitude of very similar genders, like gendernull and exiccogender. is there a reason for all these genders being so similar or so paradoxical?
This is more since some people feel that one term does not fit because they feel y or z instead of x. As for genders that contradict, it’s more case by case so I can not explain that at the current moment.
But I hope that helps cover it!
-Admin Opal
Sexual = desiring sexual interaction (sexual intercourse, sexually touching/groping, kissing, finding sexual pleasure)
Romantic = desiring romantic interaction (being physically close, affectionate speech, living together, making lifelong commitment decisions, romantic affection, doing things together exclusively, valuing the relationship more than others)
Alterous = desiring interaction that is neither 100% platonic or 100% romantic, but is rather somewhere in between (affectionate speech, physical affection, doing things together exclusively, valuing the relationship more than others)
QPlatonic = desiring interaction that is not 100% platonic, but is actually more, while not being 100% romantic either (kissing, cuddling, handholding, nonsexual touch, being physically close, affectionate speech, doing things together exclusively, valuing the relationship more than others)
Platonic = desiring platonic interaction (nonsexual touch, doing things together exclusively, valuing the relationship more than others (possibly), friendship, making lifelong decisions together, relying on each other emotionally)
Aesthetic = experiencing aesthetic attraction (admiration, valuing their existence more than others (non-obsessively), adoration, interest in their persona, distant emotional reliance)
Wavership = experiencing attraction that can fluctuate between different types or different expressions (called fluidic)
Amical = experiencing platonic + siblinghood attraction (nonsexual touch, valuing the relationship more than others, friendship, doing things together exclusively, emotional reliance, possible physical affection, familial bonds)
Guardian/Protective = experiencing protective attraction (valuing the relationship more than others, doing things together exclusively, possible physical affection, emotional reliance, possible grooming and being physically close, feeling protective or guide-like emotions; may be platonic, romantic, a mix, or some other type) (also called tutelary or dominant)
Grace = experiencing protected/guarded attraction (valuing the relationship more than others, doing things together exclusively, possible physical affection, possible grooming and being physically close, emotional and mental dependence, ‘following behind’ or willing to release some independence, but not completely or by force; may be platonic, romantic, a mix, or some other type) (also called submissive and concomitant)
Emotional = experiencing attraction that fits multiple types at once, or has characteristics of multiple types of attraction while not strictly falling into any type. (this is sometimes called ‘doraric’ attraction)
Intellectual = experiencing intellectual attraction (valuing their opinions, fascination with their skill level, adoration of their field of intelligence (not how smart, but what they’re smart in), valuing their existence more than others (non-obsessively), interest in their persona, desiring partnership or guide-like relationships, possibly other traits of attraction; may be mixed with another type of attraction but not always)
Spiritual = experiencing spiritual attraction (valuing their opinions, emotional and mental reliance, valuing their existence more than others (non-obsessively), desiring partnership or guide-like relationships, spiritual bonding, doing things together exclusively, friendship, possible familial bonds, possible physical affection, performing spiritual practices together, fascination, interest in their persona)
Noetic = experiencing mental attraction (valuing their opinions, fascination with their point of view or perception of reality, fascination and appreciation of their ‘mental map’ (how they see the world/how their mind ‘works’), admiration of their perspectives or opinions, desiring a guide-like or apprentice-like relationship (possibly), valuing their existence more than others (non-obsessively), interest in their persona, possible emotional reliance, favoring their input and guidance, intimacy) Please read this for a better explanation.
Familial/Fellowship = experiencing familial attraction or desiring a familial bond (being physically close, living together, valuing the relationship more than others, emotional reliance, valuing their existence more than others, possible desire for a guide-like or guardian/grace attachment, friendship, valuing their opinion more than others)
Social = desiring social interaction (verbal speech, sharing information, discussing interests, spending time together, possible desire to have a deeper relationship)
Pragmatic/Hospitable = ‘a means to an end’ type of relationship or attraction, the desire to appease for some gain, or to create a relationship with a common goal besides simply being in love (this can be across multiple expressions of affection, kindness, compatibility, interaction, and interest. This type is listed for those in arranged marriages, professional partnerships, procreational relationships, hospitality employment such as hospital or hotel services, and sex workers.)
Erotic/Nonsexual = experiencing erotic attraction (an aesthetic attraction to nonsexual nudity, or a nonsexual interest in human anatomy; the best example is admiration of the human physique, particularly genitals or secondary reproductive organs (though not always exclusively), but not wishing for sexual interaction. This is placed here for those on the asexual spectrum, or those who simply do not feel the desire to have sexual interaction with others, but are not sex-repulsed.)
_________________________
Words for each attraction
(A word used by the person feeling the attraction would call their target of attraction they are NOT in a relationship with)
Sexual: smush, lust
Romantic: crush
Alterous: mesh, hush
Sensual: lush
QPlatonic: plush
Platonic: squish, squush, thete
Aesthetic: swish
Wavership: unknown, flush? waffle?
Amical: unknown, shush? thresh?
Guardianship: mush
Grace: gush, sush
Emotional: unknown, blush?
Intellectual: unknown, rush?
Spiritual: unknown, immesh? inmesh?
Mixture: slush, flish, immesh?
Social: N/A
Pragmatic: N/A
Erotic: N/A
Noetic: unknown
Familial/Fellowship: N/A
Unknown: unknown, thrush? (as in the bird) sesh? immesh?
_________________________
Titles
(what the individual experiencing the attraction calls those they’re in a relationship with)
Sexual: sex partner
Romantic: (date)friend, partner, significant other
Alterous: varies
Sensual: unknown, cuddle buddy?
QPlatonic: queerplatonic partner/qpp
Platonic: friend
Aesthetic: idol
Wavership: varies, wavermate
Amical: unknown
Guardianship: comate, grace, cherish, ward
Grace: concomitant, guide partner
Emotional: varies
Intellectual: unknown
Pragmatic: partner
Noetic: unknown
Erotic: N/A
Social: N/A
Familial/Fellowship: second sibling, second (parent term), any typically family-oriented term
Other forms of attraction exist, but I don’t know enough about them to list them.
This is the UPDATED (11/27/18) version of the previous list. After some consideration, more were added that I felt were important to those with neurodivergency, or nontraditional forms of relationships or attraction.
Here’s what I understand. (That’s a joke I understand none of it)
(Image description: Four circles, each one surrounded by a bigger circle. In the smallest circle is the word “Binary.” In the next larger circle are the words “Nonbinary/Abinary.” In the next larger circle is the word “Atrinary.” In the outermost circle is the word “Nontrinary.” Next to the circles are two lines that wrap around the last two circles with the word “Anonbinary” next to them)
You got your Western binary. Right. Male and female. Simple enough.
Now go outside the binary. You get the nonbinary, neutral, agender, midgender and demigender spectrums. For some reason, the person who coined Atrinary and Nontrinary said that ‘nonbinary’ are genders that are not masculine or feminine, and only named agender/genderlessness and neutral. I think what they actually meant, was that people can only observe these nonbinary genders from the stance of a binary. Meaning you can’t have a ‘neutral’ without something else to indicate a negative (agender) or a positive (male/female) on its ends. Plus, if you say a gender is nonbinary, you’re still looking at it from a binary perspective. You can have a masculine nonbinary, or an agenderfeminine, but at the end of the day, even on their own, you’re looking at something that just has masculinity, femininity, or neither, or in between (neutral) or midbinary (in the middle).
(Note: It was my understanding all of the above go under nonbinary, but the coiner clarified the difference. So there you go.)
Now throw all that out the window because Mr. Frizzle is taking us on a journey through Genderville.
Atrinary genders are completely outside all that. Those masculine, feminine, neutral and genderless spectrums? Toss them out. They’re useless. Don’t even try to look at them as “not having ____.” You’d still be thinking of them from a binary perspective. Throw that out. Start from the bottom.
Atrinary genders are genders like maverique (a gender with a strong sense of conviction), xenogender (gender concepts that originate from objects, themes, sounds, anything but the traditional idea you’d see gender come from), aporagender (a gender with no alignment but still exists), and iso (a gender that is not cis, but not trans).
So what’s nontrinary?
Nontrinary is the polygender/genderfluid of atrinary genders. So, someone who is polygender but only has atrinary genders. Example, bigender that is half maverique, half xenogender. No matter what, there is no masculine, feminine, neutral, or genderless qualities to these genders.
How do you know if a gender is atrinary, instead of nonbinary?
Honestly that can only be defined by you. The overall point of atrinary, is not being masculine, feminine, neutral, in between, or genderless. (Or -aligned to any of those.) So if the gender has anything to do with the binary including not being part of it, it’s nonbinary.
You wouldn’t call demiandrogyne or proxvir or faesari atrinary. Does that help?
Under the cut is an explanation for atrinary. Cause I know it’s not something that is easy to understand.
Anonbinary covers the entirety of both atrinary and nontrinary. Anonbinary is literally ‘not binary, and not nonbinary.’
This doesn’t help but I did my best and I think it’s better than nothing.
Yoo! No worries, that’s exactly what I’m here for!
Really, when it comes down to it, it’s very vague and abstract. That’s kind of why I love the idea of it!
Some people may see xeno presentation as wearing things like cat ears or tails! (For animal based genders)
Some people may see it as certain colors or aesthetics (colorgender people or weather/nature based genders, for example)
In all honesty, if you know what kin is, it’s very similar to dressing/acting as kintypes. At least, as someone who is xenogender and otherkin, that’s how I see it! Some people may have different experiences and ideas.
A gender that is fluid between xenine and other “uncommon” genders! Though the term Gendersylph was made by a troll, it’s also called Genderfen and Genderfaon!
-Admin Opal
Tucute is the term for someone who is supportive of the ideal that one does not need dysphoria to be trans.
Truscum and transmeds believe you need dysphoria to be trans as well as commonly policing identities. I really did try to find the major difference between the two and honestly couldn’t.
But this is the most I was able to find (thanks google)
-Admin Opal
Hi Spence! MOGAI is an acronym for “Marginalized Orientations, Gender Alignments, and Intersex” and was intended to be a different way to refer to the lgbtq+ community without having to add on a million letters. However, it is now more associated with identities outside of lgbt and that are considered “special snowflake” identities. I hope that helps!
-Admin Opal
This will answer that and more.
And the reason is why anyone would use any nontraditional pronoun. It would be because that person does not connect with he, she, they, or, in some cases, it, and they’d rather have a fitting pronoun set. Outside of that, they can use an emoji for whatever reason they wish! I hope that helps a bit!
-Admin Opal
UncommonGenders 